[lyrics that I'm unsure of are bracketed]

My name is Ken
And I like men
But the people at Mattel
The home that I call hell
are somewhat bothered by my queer proclivities
It's safe to say that they are really pissed at me

They always stick me
with Barbie
But I want them to know
I prefer GI Joe
But any able bodied man-doll will surely do
Just someone to love, since I am not set up to screw

Black Barbie
You know she used to talk to me
But now she'd rather be
in plastic therapy
sitting on a plastic couch speaking freely
The only problem is she has no history

Some day soon
I'll be in your child's room
And I'll be forced to kiss
Barbie's plastic tits
And I will hate myself, but what's more I'll hate you
For not allowing me to love as I wish to

See, I'm your corporate toy
Cursed to bring you joy
And through divorce or death
I'll just hold my breath
And play along, your daugter's not to blame at all
For bringing these burdens to bear upon a doll

So, fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la